you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize