I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Randomize
