you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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