all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
