This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
