Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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