I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
