I feel like I'm in dance class right now
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
not ubering you a puppy
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
