You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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