try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
