I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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