I could have mohawked her pubes.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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