She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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