he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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