dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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