i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
