Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
