i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
