Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
