Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
