Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
