i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
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Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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