I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
