I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
