i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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