i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
