I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
