she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Please, let me fuck your mom
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
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If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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