I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize