can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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