If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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