You just made me feel so damn special
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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