yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
