I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
