drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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