Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
