You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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