I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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