got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
