Betty ford says i'm here all night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
