He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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