i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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