I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.