Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You were trust falling into bushes