3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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