I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize