Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
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he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?