I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?