My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
