so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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