I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
