Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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