I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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