There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
