As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
