is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
