it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
