i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
