he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
