I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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