New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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