his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
