I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
