i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
third nipple confirmed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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