you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
