6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
