I'm gonna have a badass scar
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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