Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize