Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
