I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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