party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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