the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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