Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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