ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
