i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
