I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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